peruvianpanda:

But nobody likes me so…

   It was like magic, we did so many things together, and she was anything and everything I could imagine. She was kind, beautiful, intelligent, and had a heart of solid gold. To think we would be together forever was a total misconception. Damn….and to think she told me she loved me and there is no one else she would rather be with, I was wrong.

  My name is Ricky, I’m 18 years old, and soon to be a man (well at least that what I think). Too many people think I act immature for my age but I personally don’t give two damns. For all I know I’m just enjoying being a teen while I still can.

You see I’ve had a lot of people enter my life but they only mad small difference. The person who I am referring to is the so-called love of my life, her name was Sarophina. Why do I call her my “so-called” might you ask? Well…she played me; I could not bare the pain. No choice but to move one and forget her smutty ass self. And so, our story begins……

   It all started one day after school, I was hanging with my friends on the bleachers of the field in the back of the school when my friends were ranking on teachers like they always do but you know me….I don’t like looking for trouble. That’s when the guys caught a glimpse of a group of girls and of course my friends; Derek, Sachin, and Kyle started whistling and hollerin’ for the girls to come over to where we where so they can do what they got to do. But I had my eyes on another girl; she was sitting underneath the shade of an oak tree. She had light skin, and her hair was long and a fiery red mixed with orange and ocean blue eyes. Unsure whether or not to go talk to the beautiful girl or stick around and wait for my friends? Nah….I’ll just go to the girl now. As I walk towards her I notice that she is getting up and then she is walking towards me.  My heart starts beating rapidly; I try to build my courage as she draws closer…next thing you know we are standing in front of each other with the other person looking into the other’s eyes. Finally a conversation came up:

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“w-what’s your name?”

“Ricky. What’s yours?”

“Ricky? Ha-ha that’s a strange name…but I’m Sarophina.”

“Wow that is a beautiful name.”

“Thanks.”

“So…..Sarophina, I know we just met and all but, would you like to hang out sometime?”

“Hmm, well. I don’t have anything else planned for this week so how about on Friday we meet up at the mall? Sounds good?”

“Yeah, Sure, Totally, That’d be great.”

“Here, you might need this.”

  Sarophina then takes out a piece of paper and scribbles something down. She gives me the paper and leaves I unfold the paper and it was her phone number. I waited for her to walk away far enough so she could not here me yell, “YES!!!”  But my friends had to come and kill my moment. They can be real jackasses sometimes. Sachin was all like, “oh man you lucky as hell…do you realize you are the bravest guy alive?”

“Dude, how come?”

“Sarophina is the hottest chick up in this school, so many guys like us have tried to ask her out but she kept turning us down. Then you give it a shot and BAM you get her number. I’m proud of you dude.”

“….thanks.”

“No problem man.”

“Alright, time to get my swag on.”

My other friends kind of said the same thing, whatever.  The first time I called her was sort of nerve wrecking because I kept stumbling over what I had to say and Sarophina kept babbling half of the time but after Sarophina and I kept calling each other several times a week…we progress into having long conversation  that would continue to hours on end. I enjoyed every minute I was on the phone with her and then the innocent phone calls became dates, and then those very same dates transitioned into visiting at one another’s house. So I guess you could say that Sarophina and I were officially boyfriend and girlfriend at that  time…we ended up dating for a total of 13 weeks (don’t ask how I began counting how long we were dating, long story)

 Thing were going great. We were so happy with each other. Sarophina told me some thing on one of out dates that I will never forget. She said, “Rocky I’m so happy I met you, many guys have asked me out before but they only wanted one thing out of me and that was to get laid. Other than that they would not date me. But Rocky….you’re very different, you treat girls with respect, dignity, and kindness…I really like that in a man. Right then and there she kissed me. Honestly, she wasn’t that bad of a kisser either *wink *wink. Later that night, I took her home and we chilled for a while. A few minutes later well….guess you could assume we started making out again but hey I had an awesome time doing too.

“Sarophina…”

“Yeah?”

“There is something I have wanting to tell you since we started dating, I waited for the right moment, and I believe that time is now.”

“Please do tell me Ricky.”

  Then I held her gentle soft hands and her and I got up from the couch, moving one of her bangs from in from her face I kissed her on the cheek and told her:

“You complete me Sarophina, I love you, and there is no woman who is as beautiful, smart, witty, and different as you, babe you have changed my life in the best way possible. I will love you always.”

She was speechless, jaw-dropped, and then she drew closer to me and the softness of her lips met mine and we kissed ha-ha then that very same kiss became a little French; you know what I’m talking about a little bit of tongue here and there. *wink *wink (again)

“Ricky, thank you…so much”, Sarophina said.  Nodding my head I then hugged her tight. But as I went to look at my watch I noticed it was real late.

“Hey babe…I got to head home, its getting late.”

“Okay, see you at school honey.”

  I kissed her good night and ran top speed to my house, to my demise it started to rain but no matter I could care less if I got wet in the heavy rain. When I got home I was drenched, clothing clung to my skin and my legs were aching from the long run. Unfortunately my mom came downstairs to get something but she saw how soaked I was. “Aye bai…you clothes ah full ah watah, what deh hell wrong with you…running in deh rain like ah dat.”  Hearing my mom yell at me in her Guyanese accent is so hilarious.

Course it didn’t bother me much I just went upstairs and changed into some sweats and a v-neck shirt, I went to bed and simply laid there….looking up at the ceiling. All that was going through my mind was the beautiful Sarophina, she was like an apsara* that fell from heaven and has decided to enchant me with her stunning appearance and maximum strength in education. I guess I can officially say that she is the love of my life.

   The next day came, I was at school, my friends and I were just chilling at the lockers before class started. Sarophina walked by but she was not acting normal, when I said hi to her she just looked at me, Kyle said, “Hey Sarophina, what’s up?”  She looked at him and winked. Suspicion was circulating my mind I kind of had a feeling something was up but why let it bother me? Kyle is not the type of guy who would date his best friend’s girl. Sarophina is who I’m concerned about…..we have been dating for a long time, so to think she would cheat on me with my friend is crazy.

A few weeks went by……I and Sarophina slowly stopped talking: the texting diminished, our phone conversations became shorter and shorter as the days progressed until the point we stopped calling each other. Another thing I noticed was that my friends began to act stranger and stranger with each day and when ever I am near them they would start to mumble, then look at me and go back to their little secret chit-chat shit. That was when I had to get to the bottom of this. Sarophina was up to something and I wanted to know what it was…could it be really possible that she IS cheating??  My mind began to swirl I couldn’t figure out what to do, should I trust Sarophina? Should I wait a while? Would questioning my friends do any good for me?  Maybe. I’m not sure.

  Couple of days went by and I haven’t heard from Sarophina since our last date. I thought to myself, “Okay things are really getting out of hand, its time to take action right now.”  So I got to school…no Sarophina in sight, I saw Sachin and Derek…but no Kyle. I didn’t see him or my girl anywhere during morning classes (we’re all in the same morning classes together) but to my pain misery it was during gym later that day was when my whole world came crashing. You see I’m in the locker room getting my clean clothes on and I notice form the corner of my eye, Sachin is running top speed calling my name, “Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!”  I managed to stop him before he crash into me. He had a look of surprise on his face, his eyes were wide  he was frantically moving in place as if he was scared to tell me what has happened, so I asked him:

“Yo dude, what’s wrong? Are you straight?”

“No way man…..there is something you have to see I couldn’t bare to observe, I simply had to tell you.”

“What is it, tell me.”

“But you must take action immediately.”

“I will…just tell me.”

“I saw—-“

“You saw what?!”

“I SAW SAROPHINA AND KYLE MAKING OUT AT THE LOCKER OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY!!!”

“What? Are fucking kidding me?!”

“No.”

  A sudden rush of betrayal and anger surged through my body. Sachin then lead me out of the locker room and towards the lockers near the school library and I quietly peeked to see that the girl of my life making out with one of my closest friends. All I hear from Kyle is, “babe I’m glad you chose me, and so why were you with Ricky if you never liked him in the first place?”

“I felt bad for his dirty looking self. I’ve heard he has never had a girlfriend before so I decided to make his dream come true.” Sarophina replied.

“Badass ha-ha, I like that.”

“I thought you might.”

It was after that they continued to make out, then Kyle proceeded to kiss her but this time started kissing her neck as if he was going to give her a hickie, I couldn’t bare to observe this anymore. Coming out from hiding behind the locker, I came between them both.

“What’s going on here?” I asked in an annoyed yet furious tone.  Kyle’s face flushed it turned pale with guilt.

“Look man I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you Kyle! Why are you making out with my girl?”

“I don’t know what came over me.”

He was so close to getting his ass beat until Sarophina interrupted:

“Look Ricky, you’re a cool guy but, you’re just not my type. You see I only dated you because I heard you have never had a girlfriend so I decided to make your dream come true.

“Sarophina I actually thought you loved me, I thought we had something together. We were one.”

“HAHA boy please you are not my type….you‘re too innocent for me I like the bad boys who seek adventure.” She snickered.

  Never in my life have I been deceived like this but worst of all, by one of my closest friends and the girl who I fell in love with. The pain was unbearable….no I wasn’t going to do the emo shit and start cutting my self to get rid of the pain.  

I told both of them this:

“You guys are the worst people I have ever known. Kyle I thought we were best friends and never hid things from each other. Sarophina how could you lie to me? I loved you and I would have given you the world. I trusted you and this is how you treat me in return?  I simply can’t believe you both.”

Sarophina just rolled her eyes. Kyle simply shrugged his shoulders.

“Well…..Ricky it was fun but we don’t care at all.” Sarophina said.

“Yeah…neither do I.” Kyle said bitterly.

  Then they both walked away hand in hand. Sachin came from behind me and said, “Don’t worry man. They were never worth it anyway. C’mon Derek and I are headed to the mall. Want to come?”

Even though it was hurtful and two people I cared about lied to me. It doesn’t matter, they are jackasses anyway. So I went and hung out with the other guys and since that day I have not heard from Sarophina the smut and Kyle the backstabber.

This is where my story ends. Me. Alone. No love. Done.

*p.s i wrote this whole story*

 

I can’t help but listen, listen to the steadiness of rain. Not that i would care or anything. Just listening to it makes me realize what I lost and never gained. Am I really a fail just like many people say? Do my tears really show how I am on the inside? Why am I not beautiful? Why do people think I don’t have talent? Am I not worth it? Maybe. Like my tears, the rain has a pattern. It starts like a  drizzle and then its start to become faster and less easy to stop. The sound of rain sends me in my deep in my mind and a I see nothing just black, barren emptiness.Dear god if only I had someone. Just someone who understands me. Anyone. Sadness is not my thing, I wanna be happy again. I can’t feeling this pain of heartbreak and low-life. My only comfort now is the sound of the rain. How long will this be my comfort? 

Why am I secluded? The people who were once around if I ever needed them are gone. WTF. My heart just desires to find someone to care about. My mind….well, its all cloudy I can’t think straight. So much damage has been done to my heart its not even funny. Love gave me no single bit of luck with anyone. Like Abhiram, I eff’d up big time, He never wanted anything to do with me and still I went after him. Wow I’m and idiot :/

I got a story to tell you.

Heartbreak is one of the main reasons people give up on love all together. It useless. No matter how hard one tries they just can’t seem to succeed. Love is good and bad but for most unfortunate people, like me , love hasn’t had its great moments every time I believe I found love, it crashes and burns. Thus leaving me to go into complete hopelessness. </3 no matter what happens love will not do me any favors. It sucks. That’s pretty straight forward right?